meta: love languages and kwon soonyoung
Jan. 16th, 2021 10:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
geguriI was asked about my thoughts on Soonyoung's love languages in my CuriousCat and because I am horrifically verbose, I ended up writing over 2500 words just rambling about him. God. I am so sorry.
Fair warning: this is largely unedited, and is also hugely subjective. Nonetheless, I hope this is an entertaining read for anyone who is willing to suffer through the wall of text below. It is also image heavy at some parts of the post too!
Please let me know if any of the links are missing! Admittedly, I did not check thoroughly!
tl;dr - I personally think his love languages are physical touch and quality time, but with a very heavy dosing of words of affirmation (and he has a praise kink).
Introduction
Generally speaking, your primary love language is understood as how you instinctively express and prefer to receive love. In reality, this theory of giving and receiving love through only one specific way becomes complicated due to several factors, including but not limited to:
1) What is the context, and what response does it demand? If it is comfort that someone is seeking, the support they need may differ depending on the situation;
2) How well do you know the person you are comforting? In a lot of cases, many people shift into different modes of care simply because they know the person and may be able to subconsciously and consciously provide care in a way that’s affirming for them;
3) Simply put, humans are complex creatures and we communicate through a multitude of ways, and it’s always going to be hard to pin someone down into just one primary mode of being.
When considering Soonyoung’s love languages, there are also two subsequent factors I tend to consider. Is he on camera, or is this an anecdote that is being told by another member? How much of what I’m perceiving of his expressions of love is affected—not negatively—by how intimately he already knows each member?
For the former, I tend to actually read more into anecdotes that are told by members because Soonyoung is interestingly tight-lipped about revealing information about his interpersonal relationships with members (which isn’t immediately noticeable because he comes across as quite a blabbermouth otherwise, but I do have more to say on this but that’s another post for another time. I will expand on it briefly below as well). As a result, we actually typically learn about his habits through how he’s perceived by the members and the stories they tell us. And for the latter, the closeness of their friendships doesn’t mean that the way they express love is wrong, just that it’s a factor in how they communicate with one another, given how well they know each other at this point.
But enough preamble! For the most part, I am going to be discussing Soonyoung through how he seems to prefer expressing love, and how he seems to prefer receiving love. There isn’t a hard line that delineates the two per se, but more so as a way to organize my own thoughts. Without ado, a ramble on Soonyoung and his communications of love:
Physical Touch
I personally think that Soonyoung prefers to express love through quality time and physical touch. With physical touch, it’s a little easier for us to notice because we know he’s touchy. Like, in almost any given variety/reality show or V Live, just look at Soonyoung and there’s a pretty good chance that he’ll be touching a member. If there’s an arm for him to hold, he’s probably going to hold it. If someone’s reaching their hand out towards him, he’s going to hold their hand. If someone’s looking for a hug, Soonyoung is ready for a hug. In many instances, he’s the initiator of physical contact.
Some quick examples:
this is one example, but soonyoung loves holding onto members like this...like when he stands next to seungcheol and seokmin in going seventeen carnival ep., he immediately links their arms together.
arm loop!
he just wants to cuddle samuel and hold wonwoo’s hand. full video can be seen here.
he wants to hold joshua’s hand AND loop their arms together! full video can be seen here.
he tends to get really cuddly, especially when he’s tired
he sees an opportunity to hold hands with someone, he takes it. full video here.
holding onto wonwoo’s hand! In the video/gif form, he’s actually stroking the back of wonwoo’s hand gently as well :(
he’s just happy whenever he gets the chance to hug jeonghan! full video here.
look how happy he was to get cuddly with joshua! full video here.
last but not least, soonyoung wanting to cuddle with wonwoo during ttt 2018
Aside from these examples that showcase how Soonyoung is a really, really tactile person, there have also been a few moments and/or anecdotes that suggest how much comfort he draws from physical touch. There are a number of examples from Seokmin (here, and here), the most infamous one being TTT 2020 with all the times Soonyoung tried to kiss him and did. This is the most indicative, along with the time Jeonghan promised he’d kiss Soonyoung at the dorm for a prize. Jeonghan was probably joking, but Soonyoung immediately responded with “I like kisses” (here). Evidently, Soonyoung thrives on physical touch. He loves giving it, he loves receiving it, and he seems comforted by it.
Quality Time
Circling back to quality time, this is where we move from pretty clear evidence to the realm of personal interpretation. As I had referenced earlier, Soonyoung is quite a private person when it comes to who he spends time with and how. It’s something that I think tends to get overlooked because he often reveals information that most people wouldn’t (such as spoilers, mentioning Seokmin’s sister’s wedding unprompted, etc.), but as he often tells Seungkwan, he has his own “Maginot line”—i.e. a personal boundary that he doesn’t cross. Most of the time, we only know if he’s been hanging out with a member or even who he’s close with in the group mostly because the other member reveals it.
Building on that, just off the top of my head, Vernon was the one to reveal that Soonyoung is one of his closest friends in the group and that they hang out often, Minghao revealed that he often talks to Soonyoung about their respective dreams and they do it over wine dates, Seungkwan revealed that Soonyoung and Jeonghan have been spending all their time together, and many more. It’s quite rare that we hear these stories from Soonyoung himself.
So, with that tangent aside, my perception of quality time as one of Soonyoung’s love languages is admittedly a conjecture—but one that does have some thought put into it. Starting off easy, one moment that often stands out to me is the time they were in Hong Kong and had been booked into individual rooms. As soon as Soonyoung unpacked, he immediately called Joshua (the member he usually rooms with while they’re on tour) and asked if they could spend time together. When you watch the little vlog he does, it’s really cute because it looked like he wanted to cuddle with Joshua, and then wanted to hold Joshua’s hand instead, but held back (you can see the vlog here). I think he derives a lot of joy and love from spending time with the people he loves, and it becomes visible in the small peeks we get to see in these little moments.
Another example that comes to mind is from the answers he gave to the question “What memorable place do I share with each member” in Carat Magazine Vol. 9 (translations here and here). If you compare it to some of the members’ answers, it’s evident that Soonyoung put some thought into listing genuine memories that he holds with each person. Some members really did the bare minimum for this (not that I blame them either, there’s a lot of members to have to answer questions about). Each of the memorable locations are not only unique, but quite specific as well (e.g. for Chan, he says one memory he holds of Chan was: “in the winter when the snow was falling, and we were in front of a restaurant”). This belief that his answers were genuinely well-thought-out is somewhat confirmed by the fansign answer where he explains that he listed “sauna” for Wonwoo because they spent a lot of time going to saunas together as trainees (here). Although it’s possible I’m overinterpreting his answers—but hey, isn’t an interpretation of love languages the best time to overinterpret things—it suggests to me that Soonyoung truly puts stock into these particular moments where he spent time with each member because he values time that is being spent.
And now my favourite example of Soonyoung valuing quality time is in relation to Wonwoo and what has been revealed about their friendship, and particularly how they’ve talked about gaming with one another. I touched upon this in previous tweets and in a CuriousCat response—and I plan on writing a similar meta post with some expanded thoughts if there’s any interest in reading that—but as a quick summary: throughout 2018, Soonyoung had a number of moments where he nagged Wonwoo for gaming all the time. He literally mentions at one point that he felt “sad” because Wonwoo spends so much time gaming, but in the same breath, he’s also talked (twice!) about that Wonwoo had made him happy—literally, he said Wonwoo made his “heart flutter”—because Wonwoo tried to teach Soonyoung how to play a game on his gaming computer. An unforgettable detail of that anecdote from Soonyoung is that Wonwoo specifically taught him by back-hugging him (physical touch and quality time, all in one!). In an expanded post, or if you read my CuriousCat answer, I will go into this more. But even at the surface, I think this could be understood as Soonyoung’s dismay with their lack of quality time together, and how they intentionally addressed that by spending meaningful time together.
Another example would be the Soonyoung-Wonwoo Roommates Mystery™ (okay no one calls it that, I just made up that title on the spot). In May of 2020, Wonwoo offhandedly mentioned on Weverse that he doesn’t think Soonyoung wants to room with him (here). A fan then asked why Soonyoung doesn’t want to:
Wonwoo: “We haven’t shared a room even once...kkkkkkk he brought food when I was asleep and came in with suitcase, but I didn't move even once” (trans:noctrl_01). In another response that I couldn’t track down, another fan followed up with Wonwoo’s response and asked Wonwoo why he didn’t try to at least “wiggle a bit” lmao. So, in essence, Soonyoung once brought food and his suitcase into Wonwoo’s room to spend time with him, but Wonwoo kept sleeping the whole time and/or didn’t move from the bed. And so Soonyoung left Wonwoo’s room, and probably in a huff seeing how Wonwoo is thinking about how Soonyoung doesn’t want to room with him anymore (when the original question didn’t even ask Wonwoo about that). Once again, a personal conjecture, but this is another example of Soonyoung valuing quality time, and how he responds when there’s a lack of quality time being spent together.
To go further down this path, we later learn in 2019 that Wonwoo has primarily quit gaming, and that he also usually goes to the gym together with Soonyoung (“We always go together,” Idol Room). Other details we know is that he likes shopping with Wonwoo (they’ve talked about how their styles are similar, and Wonwoo also once mentioned how he was with Soonyoung in Japan and he asked Soonyoung to buy them “couple hats.” The latter example can be seen here). These are all small glimpses where we witness how Soonyoung and Wonwoo seem to try and find ways to spend valuable time together, even in spite of the differences in their hobbies or in how they communicate with one another.
Going back to my initial statements about love languages, a lot about love languages isn’t just about your instinctive sense of communication, but how you take care and nurture your connections with others by speaking in the language they converse best in. And in my opinion, I think Soonyoung and Wonwoo provide really interesting examples of that reciprocity of love and care.
Other Thoughts and Considerations
The two things, however, that give me pause in my interpretations of Soonyoung’s love languages are gift-giving and words of affirmation (which, I know, that takes us up to like every love language in existence, but please bear with me). He definitely demonstrates a lot of love in these two categories as well, and again, it’s impossible to fully reduce any one person into singular categories or experiences. That being said, I think this boils ultimately down to what you personally identify as your preferred love language—something we don’t know from Soonyoung since we’re not him. But if I were to get into a writer’s mindset about it, I can try to offer some rationale as to how Soonyoung thinks through gift-giving and words of affirmation, and how they might not be his primary love languages in comparison to the two aforementioned languages.
Soonyoung seems to enjoy gift-giving to show thanks, particularly to those he considers family. If I had to continue being an absolutely uncertified armchair psychologist here, I sort of think of this as being tied to his own personal upbringing and his relationship with finances. This is partially personal projection, but also because of how Soonyoung has previously talked about his family’s precarious financial situation while he was growing up, and his reasons for donating (here and here).
Of the gifts that we are aware of, they’re quite hefty (Cartier for Mingyu, a bespoke suit for Seokmin, a new and high quality mic for Jihoon, a house for his dad, and eyelid surgery for his mom and sister). How I tentatively interpret this is that it illuminates Soonyoung’s relationship with gratitude, and how he repays those that have supported him during the toughest times in his life. Or, with the members, those who he held in solidarity with him during those times. Again, acknowledging that different contexts may necessitate different expressions of love that are right for you at that given moment, I would argue that gift-giving might not be considered a primary love language for Soonyoung because it’s an expression of gratitude. It’s made with purpose and intention, rather than what he is instinctively drawn to and how he feels seen/loved (such as through quality time or touch).
Words of affirmation is a little trickier because if there’s one thing I do think, it’s that Soonyoung has a praise kink. He definitely likes being praised and recognized for his hard work. That aside, Soonyoung is also well-known amongst the members as someone who freely doles out affirmation. Seungkwan had once said that Soonyoung is the type who gives lots of compliments (here), and Jeonghan has said something similar as well in the Ode to You Record Book (October 2020). I also have more to say about this in relation to Wonwoo, but I will expand on that later when I eventually write a similar post on Wonwoo’s love languages.
Overall, we also know that Soonyoung is someone who tends to say what he is thinking without putting conditions and clauses on it. In other words, he’s just...honest. Seungkwan mentioned once in a radio interview (I forgot which one, sorry!) that he asked Soonyoung if he liked Seungkwan’s new haircut, and Soonyoung absolutely evaded the answer because he couldn’t lie and tell him he liked it, because Soonyoung didn’t like his new hair. Soonyoung rebutted and said “but when I love your hair, I always tell you I do! I mean it when I do say it!” (paraphrased). Similarly, back in October 2020, Seungkwan also mentioned that “Soonyoung doesn’t mean anything [malicious] in what he says, he’s just saying whatever is on his mind” (here). I see Soonyoung as someone who holds a lot of love in his heart, and he needs just as much love in return. He’s ready and free with the amount of love he gives (thank you Chan, who once said that Soonyoung is filled with lot here). When he gives out words of affirmation, it’s because it’s what he’s thinking, and because he loves them, and he says it because he says what he means. In addition to that though, I also think a lot of these are instances when Soonyoung recognizes what the other person may value the most from him, or what their love languages may be. Going back to one of my initial points, Soonyoung is matching them by giving them words of affirmation.
Primarily, I do think that Soonyoung prefers quality time and physical touch. They seem to come most naturally to him, and it’s how we see him expressing his love the most frequently. That being said, I do want to acknowledge that anything I say about Soonyoung must be taken with a grain of salt. I know that’s granted, but I do still think I should recognize how little I do know about Soonyoung in reality; I’ve never met him, I don’t know him, and I will never be his friend. All I’ve witnessed of him, how I perceive him, these are all framed through my own subjective viewpoint, and there is so much that I cannot possibly account for. However, these are some thoughts I have when I think about writing Soonyoung, and what instances I draw upon to settle on my own characterizations of him.
This was a really long ramble, and if you made it all the way through, then you’re amazing and I appreciate you for taking the time to read through all of this. In any case, I hope this was helpful—or, at least, entertaining!
As mentioned, I hope to take some time to write up further meta commentary on Soonyoung + Wonwoo’s friendship and gaming, as well as an expanded version of my thoughts on Wonwoo’s love languages. If people are interested in reading that, I will later update this post with links to those posts when they have been published!
You can find me on twitter, curiouscat, and ao3.
Fair warning: this is largely unedited, and is also hugely subjective. Nonetheless, I hope this is an entertaining read for anyone who is willing to suffer through the wall of text below. It is also image heavy at some parts of the post too!
Please let me know if any of the links are missing! Admittedly, I did not check thoroughly!
tl;dr - I personally think his love languages are physical touch and quality time, but with a very heavy dosing of words of affirmation (and he has a praise kink).
Introduction
Generally speaking, your primary love language is understood as how you instinctively express and prefer to receive love. In reality, this theory of giving and receiving love through only one specific way becomes complicated due to several factors, including but not limited to:
1) What is the context, and what response does it demand? If it is comfort that someone is seeking, the support they need may differ depending on the situation;
2) How well do you know the person you are comforting? In a lot of cases, many people shift into different modes of care simply because they know the person and may be able to subconsciously and consciously provide care in a way that’s affirming for them;
3) Simply put, humans are complex creatures and we communicate through a multitude of ways, and it’s always going to be hard to pin someone down into just one primary mode of being.
When considering Soonyoung’s love languages, there are also two subsequent factors I tend to consider. Is he on camera, or is this an anecdote that is being told by another member? How much of what I’m perceiving of his expressions of love is affected—not negatively—by how intimately he already knows each member?
For the former, I tend to actually read more into anecdotes that are told by members because Soonyoung is interestingly tight-lipped about revealing information about his interpersonal relationships with members (which isn’t immediately noticeable because he comes across as quite a blabbermouth otherwise, but I do have more to say on this but that’s another post for another time. I will expand on it briefly below as well). As a result, we actually typically learn about his habits through how he’s perceived by the members and the stories they tell us. And for the latter, the closeness of their friendships doesn’t mean that the way they express love is wrong, just that it’s a factor in how they communicate with one another, given how well they know each other at this point.
But enough preamble! For the most part, I am going to be discussing Soonyoung through how he seems to prefer expressing love, and how he seems to prefer receiving love. There isn’t a hard line that delineates the two per se, but more so as a way to organize my own thoughts. Without ado, a ramble on Soonyoung and his communications of love:
Physical Touch
I personally think that Soonyoung prefers to express love through quality time and physical touch. With physical touch, it’s a little easier for us to notice because we know he’s touchy. Like, in almost any given variety/reality show or V Live, just look at Soonyoung and there’s a pretty good chance that he’ll be touching a member. If there’s an arm for him to hold, he’s probably going to hold it. If someone’s reaching their hand out towards him, he’s going to hold their hand. If someone’s looking for a hug, Soonyoung is ready for a hug. In many instances, he’s the initiator of physical contact.
Some quick examples:
this is one example, but soonyoung loves holding onto members like this...like when he stands next to seungcheol and seokmin in going seventeen carnival ep., he immediately links their arms together.
arm loop!
he just wants to cuddle samuel and hold wonwoo’s hand. full video can be seen here.
he wants to hold joshua’s hand AND loop their arms together! full video can be seen here.
he tends to get really cuddly, especially when he’s tired
he sees an opportunity to hold hands with someone, he takes it. full video here.
holding onto wonwoo’s hand! In the video/gif form, he’s actually stroking the back of wonwoo’s hand gently as well :(
he’s just happy whenever he gets the chance to hug jeonghan! full video here.
look how happy he was to get cuddly with joshua! full video here.
last but not least, soonyoung wanting to cuddle with wonwoo during ttt 2018
Aside from these examples that showcase how Soonyoung is a really, really tactile person, there have also been a few moments and/or anecdotes that suggest how much comfort he draws from physical touch. There are a number of examples from Seokmin (here, and here), the most infamous one being TTT 2020 with all the times Soonyoung tried to kiss him and did. This is the most indicative, along with the time Jeonghan promised he’d kiss Soonyoung at the dorm for a prize. Jeonghan was probably joking, but Soonyoung immediately responded with “I like kisses” (here). Evidently, Soonyoung thrives on physical touch. He loves giving it, he loves receiving it, and he seems comforted by it.
Quality Time
Circling back to quality time, this is where we move from pretty clear evidence to the realm of personal interpretation. As I had referenced earlier, Soonyoung is quite a private person when it comes to who he spends time with and how. It’s something that I think tends to get overlooked because he often reveals information that most people wouldn’t (such as spoilers, mentioning Seokmin’s sister’s wedding unprompted, etc.), but as he often tells Seungkwan, he has his own “Maginot line”—i.e. a personal boundary that he doesn’t cross. Most of the time, we only know if he’s been hanging out with a member or even who he’s close with in the group mostly because the other member reveals it.
Building on that, just off the top of my head, Vernon was the one to reveal that Soonyoung is one of his closest friends in the group and that they hang out often, Minghao revealed that he often talks to Soonyoung about their respective dreams and they do it over wine dates, Seungkwan revealed that Soonyoung and Jeonghan have been spending all their time together, and many more. It’s quite rare that we hear these stories from Soonyoung himself.
So, with that tangent aside, my perception of quality time as one of Soonyoung’s love languages is admittedly a conjecture—but one that does have some thought put into it. Starting off easy, one moment that often stands out to me is the time they were in Hong Kong and had been booked into individual rooms. As soon as Soonyoung unpacked, he immediately called Joshua (the member he usually rooms with while they’re on tour) and asked if they could spend time together. When you watch the little vlog he does, it’s really cute because it looked like he wanted to cuddle with Joshua, and then wanted to hold Joshua’s hand instead, but held back (you can see the vlog here). I think he derives a lot of joy and love from spending time with the people he loves, and it becomes visible in the small peeks we get to see in these little moments.
Another example that comes to mind is from the answers he gave to the question “What memorable place do I share with each member” in Carat Magazine Vol. 9 (translations here and here). If you compare it to some of the members’ answers, it’s evident that Soonyoung put some thought into listing genuine memories that he holds with each person. Some members really did the bare minimum for this (not that I blame them either, there’s a lot of members to have to answer questions about). Each of the memorable locations are not only unique, but quite specific as well (e.g. for Chan, he says one memory he holds of Chan was: “in the winter when the snow was falling, and we were in front of a restaurant”). This belief that his answers were genuinely well-thought-out is somewhat confirmed by the fansign answer where he explains that he listed “sauna” for Wonwoo because they spent a lot of time going to saunas together as trainees (here). Although it’s possible I’m overinterpreting his answers—but hey, isn’t an interpretation of love languages the best time to overinterpret things—it suggests to me that Soonyoung truly puts stock into these particular moments where he spent time with each member because he values time that is being spent.
And now my favourite example of Soonyoung valuing quality time is in relation to Wonwoo and what has been revealed about their friendship, and particularly how they’ve talked about gaming with one another. I touched upon this in previous tweets and in a CuriousCat response—and I plan on writing a similar meta post with some expanded thoughts if there’s any interest in reading that—but as a quick summary: throughout 2018, Soonyoung had a number of moments where he nagged Wonwoo for gaming all the time. He literally mentions at one point that he felt “sad” because Wonwoo spends so much time gaming, but in the same breath, he’s also talked (twice!) about that Wonwoo had made him happy—literally, he said Wonwoo made his “heart flutter”—because Wonwoo tried to teach Soonyoung how to play a game on his gaming computer. An unforgettable detail of that anecdote from Soonyoung is that Wonwoo specifically taught him by back-hugging him (physical touch and quality time, all in one!). In an expanded post, or if you read my CuriousCat answer, I will go into this more. But even at the surface, I think this could be understood as Soonyoung’s dismay with their lack of quality time together, and how they intentionally addressed that by spending meaningful time together.
Another example would be the Soonyoung-Wonwoo Roommates Mystery™ (okay no one calls it that, I just made up that title on the spot). In May of 2020, Wonwoo offhandedly mentioned on Weverse that he doesn’t think Soonyoung wants to room with him (here). A fan then asked why Soonyoung doesn’t want to:
Wonwoo: “We haven’t shared a room even once...kkkkkkk he brought food when I was asleep and came in with suitcase, but I didn't move even once” (trans:
noctrl_01). In another response that I couldn’t track down, another fan followed up with Wonwoo’s response and asked Wonwoo why he didn’t try to at least “wiggle a bit” lmao. So, in essence, Soonyoung once brought food and his suitcase into Wonwoo’s room to spend time with him, but Wonwoo kept sleeping the whole time and/or didn’t move from the bed. And so Soonyoung left Wonwoo’s room, and probably in a huff seeing how Wonwoo is thinking about how Soonyoung doesn’t want to room with him anymore (when the original question didn’t even ask Wonwoo about that). Once again, a personal conjecture, but this is another example of Soonyoung valuing quality time, and how he responds when there’s a lack of quality time being spent together.To go further down this path, we later learn in 2019 that Wonwoo has primarily quit gaming, and that he also usually goes to the gym together with Soonyoung (“We always go together,” Idol Room). Other details we know is that he likes shopping with Wonwoo (they’ve talked about how their styles are similar, and Wonwoo also once mentioned how he was with Soonyoung in Japan and he asked Soonyoung to buy them “couple hats.” The latter example can be seen here). These are all small glimpses where we witness how Soonyoung and Wonwoo seem to try and find ways to spend valuable time together, even in spite of the differences in their hobbies or in how they communicate with one another.
Going back to my initial statements about love languages, a lot about love languages isn’t just about your instinctive sense of communication, but how you take care and nurture your connections with others by speaking in the language they converse best in. And in my opinion, I think Soonyoung and Wonwoo provide really interesting examples of that reciprocity of love and care.
Other Thoughts and Considerations
The two things, however, that give me pause in my interpretations of Soonyoung’s love languages are gift-giving and words of affirmation (which, I know, that takes us up to like every love language in existence, but please bear with me). He definitely demonstrates a lot of love in these two categories as well, and again, it’s impossible to fully reduce any one person into singular categories or experiences. That being said, I think this boils ultimately down to what you personally identify as your preferred love language—something we don’t know from Soonyoung since we’re not him. But if I were to get into a writer’s mindset about it, I can try to offer some rationale as to how Soonyoung thinks through gift-giving and words of affirmation, and how they might not be his primary love languages in comparison to the two aforementioned languages.
Soonyoung seems to enjoy gift-giving to show thanks, particularly to those he considers family. If I had to continue being an absolutely uncertified armchair psychologist here, I sort of think of this as being tied to his own personal upbringing and his relationship with finances. This is partially personal projection, but also because of how Soonyoung has previously talked about his family’s precarious financial situation while he was growing up, and his reasons for donating (here and here).
Of the gifts that we are aware of, they’re quite hefty (Cartier for Mingyu, a bespoke suit for Seokmin, a new and high quality mic for Jihoon, a house for his dad, and eyelid surgery for his mom and sister). How I tentatively interpret this is that it illuminates Soonyoung’s relationship with gratitude, and how he repays those that have supported him during the toughest times in his life. Or, with the members, those who he held in solidarity with him during those times. Again, acknowledging that different contexts may necessitate different expressions of love that are right for you at that given moment, I would argue that gift-giving might not be considered a primary love language for Soonyoung because it’s an expression of gratitude. It’s made with purpose and intention, rather than what he is instinctively drawn to and how he feels seen/loved (such as through quality time or touch).
Words of affirmation is a little trickier because if there’s one thing I do think, it’s that Soonyoung has a praise kink. He definitely likes being praised and recognized for his hard work. That aside, Soonyoung is also well-known amongst the members as someone who freely doles out affirmation. Seungkwan had once said that Soonyoung is the type who gives lots of compliments (here), and Jeonghan has said something similar as well in the Ode to You Record Book (October 2020). I also have more to say about this in relation to Wonwoo, but I will expand on that later when I eventually write a similar post on Wonwoo’s love languages.
Overall, we also know that Soonyoung is someone who tends to say what he is thinking without putting conditions and clauses on it. In other words, he’s just...honest. Seungkwan mentioned once in a radio interview (I forgot which one, sorry!) that he asked Soonyoung if he liked Seungkwan’s new haircut, and Soonyoung absolutely evaded the answer because he couldn’t lie and tell him he liked it, because Soonyoung didn’t like his new hair. Soonyoung rebutted and said “but when I love your hair, I always tell you I do! I mean it when I do say it!” (paraphrased). Similarly, back in October 2020, Seungkwan also mentioned that “Soonyoung doesn’t mean anything [malicious] in what he says, he’s just saying whatever is on his mind” (here). I see Soonyoung as someone who holds a lot of love in his heart, and he needs just as much love in return. He’s ready and free with the amount of love he gives (thank you Chan, who once said that Soonyoung is filled with lot here). When he gives out words of affirmation, it’s because it’s what he’s thinking, and because he loves them, and he says it because he says what he means. In addition to that though, I also think a lot of these are instances when Soonyoung recognizes what the other person may value the most from him, or what their love languages may be. Going back to one of my initial points, Soonyoung is matching them by giving them words of affirmation.
Primarily, I do think that Soonyoung prefers quality time and physical touch. They seem to come most naturally to him, and it’s how we see him expressing his love the most frequently. That being said, I do want to acknowledge that anything I say about Soonyoung must be taken with a grain of salt. I know that’s granted, but I do still think I should recognize how little I do know about Soonyoung in reality; I’ve never met him, I don’t know him, and I will never be his friend. All I’ve witnessed of him, how I perceive him, these are all framed through my own subjective viewpoint, and there is so much that I cannot possibly account for. However, these are some thoughts I have when I think about writing Soonyoung, and what instances I draw upon to settle on my own characterizations of him.
This was a really long ramble, and if you made it all the way through, then you’re amazing and I appreciate you for taking the time to read through all of this. In any case, I hope this was helpful—or, at least, entertaining!
As mentioned, I hope to take some time to write up further meta commentary on Soonyoung + Wonwoo’s friendship and gaming, as well as an expanded version of my thoughts on Wonwoo’s love languages. If people are interested in reading that, I will later update this post with links to those posts when they have been published!
You can find me on twitter, curiouscat, and ao3.
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